Losing several close family members is a deeply personal and overwhelming experience. Writing about such loss can be both cathartic and helpful for others who may be going through something similar.
In life, we're never truly prepared for the loss of a loved one. Losing a single family member can turn your world upside down, but when multiple losses happen in a relatively short period, the weight of grief can feel unbearable. In the three years of moving, I have lost 6 important family members. My heart is broken, and I am struggling to heal. Why did all this have to happen when I moved away? Having to watch my family go through the pain and struggles of our loss while I am not there just does not feel right. I try to help where I can, by creating obituaries, video presentations, and so much more but its not enough. At least that's what I tell myself. I just want to be there.
I’ve found myself in a room where once vibrant, loving, and familiar voices filled the space, only to be met with a deafening silence. The family dinners that once felt like the cornerstone of my life now feel empty—empty chairs at the table, empty spaces in my heart. Grief can be overwhelming. When the losses come in waves, it feels as though you’re barely able to process one before another hits. I found myself often numb, unable to fully grasp the reality of what had happened. Walking into my grandmother’s home to celebrate my Aunt Joy leaving this earth just felt so weird. We spent so many events in that home. The table was filled with lots of food but certain items were missing. The void of those items were a reminder that so many loved ones are no longer with us. During the repast of my Aunt Joy, I had to take a moment and hide in the bedroom and just cry. I was sad for my cousins because they lost their mom. It made me think how I am going to get through it when my mother passes. I was terrified because my mind started to wonder about who will be next.
What many don’t realize is that grief isn’t just sadness; it’s exhaustion, confusion, and, at times, even anger. Why did this happen? Why so many losses at once? The questions are endless, and the answers—if they come at all—are never satisfying. There's loneliness in this type of grief. You feel like the world moves on, while you’re stuck in a cycle of pain. People are sympathetic for a while, but eventually, life pulls them away, and you’re left dealing with the aftermath.
One thing I’ve learned in this journey is that there’s no "right way" to grieve. Some days, you’ll feel fine, even happy, and other days, the weight of your loss hits you like a tidal wave. And that’s okay. It’s normal. Grief is not linear, and healing doesn’t happen overnight. For me, finding solace in memories has been key. Looking through old photo albums, remembering the laughter and love, rather than the loss, has helped me reconnect with those I’ve lost in a meaningful way. They’re no longer physically here, but their spirit, their love, and their influence still linger. I also learned to lean on others. In the beginning, I thought I had to be strong, to handle it all myself. But eventually, I realized it was okay to reach out. Friends, remaining family members, even support groups—these connections can remind you that you’re not alone.
Through it all, self-compassion has been critical. Losing multiple family members isn’t something anyone should have to "just get over." It takes time, patience, and a willingness to let yourself heal at your own pace. Some days, I can talk about my losses without breaking down, while other days, I can barely mention their names. There’s no set timeline for when you’ll feel "better." The important thing is allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel—without judgment.
The hardest part about loss is the realization that life will never be the same. The family gatherings, the shared traditions, even the simple, everyday conversations are no longer possible in the way they once were. But life, as they say, goes on. In the wake of loss, I’ve had to redefine what family means. It’s not just about those who are physically present, but about the love, memories, and bonds that transcend time. The pain never fully goes away, but over time, it becomes more bearable. You learn to live with it, to carry it with you without letting it consume you. However, this has not been the easiest thing for me to get through. Everyday is a challenge and I am working on it day by day.
If you’ve experienced the loss of multiple family members, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s a journey that no one should have to walk, but unfortunately, many of us do. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way and remember that healing is not a destination but a process. Talk about your loved ones. Keep their memories alive. And most importantly, be kind to yourself in this journey of loss and healing. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does allow us to find a new way of living with the love and memories of those who have gone before us.
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